The past 2 weeks have felt like a month with Jarrod being out at sea…and we are only halfway through. But that’s okay. “It is well with my soul” – gotta remember that. This will be the first of many as he prepares for deployment next year. It also prepares me. I quickly learned that underway = less underwear to wash, but it also meant that I shouldn’t underestimate what the next few weeks would be like at home.
In a few words, this has been lonely, boring, challenging, yet necessary for me. My aunt offered to buy my plane ticket to fly back to Jax, FL and be with family while Jarrod is away. But, as much as I appreciate her gesture, it seemed like the easy way out and I didn’t want that for myself. This might sound selfish in terms of what Noah might prefer, but I’m his mother and I’m in the position to decide. I’m just going to be frank with that. I knew I had to get through this test to go through the next one. Plus, we already paid our rent for the month so can’t let that go to waste. Ha!
This isn’t the first time that Jarrod had to be away from Noah and I for the Navy. He obviously had to be away for 2 months for boot camp and then he was in A School for about 6 months, so it accumulated to 8 months. We got to see him 3 times within those 8 months – hey, better than never! Anyways, what I’m trying to get at is that this time it’s different for Noah and I because we are not surrounded by our immediate family and friends. Instead, it’s the opposite. It’s just Noah and I. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming.
I’m thankful for the space. I’m also thankful for the community I’m becoming more comfortable with at the church we go to, San Diego Christian Fellowship. And, I’m very thankful for the trustworthy friends we have made and invested into. Oh! I’m also thankful that I get to use the car to go places (we share 1 car right now). Having the car led me to sign up for a membership at Gymboree Play and Music. So far I’ve taken Noah to a mommy and me music class, art class, and several open play hours. It has been pretty great! I really felt the need to mention that because it has been a vital part of our weeks. Of course, some days are undoubtedly more difficult than others. Sometimes I feel like I will lose it if I don’t have human interaction with someone other than a little person who’s 2 years old. And sometimes, it’s just a tranquil afternoon that involves Noah hanging around the couch while I type out this very post.
Speaking of posts, I noticed a drop in my excitement and motivation to blog, cook, and clean – things I’m normally passionate about. I was so pumped on working on my blog. I enjoy cooking to impress those I cook for. And, a clean home is my love language (second to breakfast). God helped me realize that this was because I made my husband the king of my heart, when really, the king of my heart should be the King Himself. 4:30 PM was my favorite time of day because it meant that Jarrod was off work and on his way home. I would quickly tidy up the living room so that the view would be pleasing once his loud boots were reunited with our floor. My heart would beat faster out of excitement as I heard the sound of his keys meeting the lock. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that a wife should submit to her husband in everything out of love, commitment, and respect (Ephesians 5: 24, 33), but he isn’t meant to be the well whom she draws from for fulfillment. Why? Because we are all human, meaning that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2) and will disappoint each other. I was dependent on what had been created versus dependent on the Creator. So once Jarrod wasn’t a part of my daily routine, my spirit dimmed.
If it weren’t for this initial underway, I wouldn’t have learned that. As a matter of fact, I had high expectations of how I would handle this and only disappointed myself when I fell short of those expectations. Sometimes, the only person who puts the pressure of perfection on you is really yourself. So, when I’m feeling tense because I’m being hard on myself, I put on a few of my favorite songs and sing and dance to them with Noah. It makes him smile and laugh; definitely lightens the mood.
If I had the choice to have Jarrod come home now, I would opt for him to complete his time out at sea. Why? Because we need to be challenged. We need opportunities that serve as learning experiences. We need to get out of our comfort zone. And our pride leaves us needing more and more reasons to surrender and trust God. This whole see you now, see you later thing also helps the heart grow fonder in our case.
Well, it’s only a few hours away from the weekend now. Noah and I will be taking a train to LA this Sunday to spend my birthday there with family. God is so great. Our first duty station is only 2 hours away from my hometown. I’m looking forward to being reunited with cousins I grew up with and Noah being surrounded with family that’s eager to meet him (I’m sure he wonders about and misses our people back in Jacksonville). I’m also thrilled since Noah is totally into transportation and once he realizes that we will be travelling in a train, the huge smile on his face will be the reason for mine. I need to make sure I make some space on my phone so that I can take plenty of pics!
Thanks for catching up!
With lots of love,